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12:26 AM
An emotional outpouring
Release is never possible. How can one ever escape the clutches of despair? The nights are never kind to a soul so very afflicted by the perils of war and pain. You toss and turn, you feel the fear and taste the blood. The incessant knocking on your door keeps you clutching your blanket for protection so worthless, that even rodents won't copulate in. You live in medieval times, and liberation was not once in sight.
There are scum in society; downright despicable, loathesome beings that deserve nothing but an eternity of purgatory. Redemption lies not in making up for what they have sinned, but in believing that they have indeed sinned. That self-rationalisation should propel one towards salvation in morality, through sheer faith and fervour - is this too much of an utopia?
Where then, do the transgressors lie? The rejects of society, the outcasts of modern city people. The line is but thin air, a perfectly transparent pane of glass that not even the shrewdest human instinct can perceive. And crossing the line is as simple as taking a breath, like how we do countless times a day, out of mere necessity. Oftentimes, we haven't even the slightest inkling that we've edged in excess, and the price of ignorance is an avalanche of disasters come parking at your doorway.
I'm not here to preach philosophy, nor to give my pessimistic view of life in summary. It's the truth as I see it, and will ever believe in, at least for the time being. My resolve has been shaken, and until I seek a new revelation, the will has forsaken me; I had taken a plunge into the depths of Hell. But what is Hell to one, may not be Hell to another. I can't say for sure that the mental state of mind is ever going to be stable anymore. Humour as a defence mechanism. Work as a distraction. Friends as a means of getting by. All these seem so superficial.
I vividly remember a line from the sitcom "Friends", when Phoebe was lecturing Joey after he stood her up for dinner over a girl he just met. She remarked, "Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go, but this (pointing to Joey and herself in a back and forth manner), is for life". I used to think that it was so true. Well, to a certain extent, I still do. But somethings change, and perceptions change along with the maturing (or sometimes, degeneration) of the human mind. Friends do come and go too. And when they go, who says it'll always end in peace and harmony?
There's no truth in lies; it is so blatantly obvious. But we all like to live a lie, and enjoy whatever short term happiness at the expense of an era of pain to come. Let this be a lesson to all of us; to me, in particular, as I ponder over the degrading behaviour and irresponsible life that I now lead. I couldn't give 2 hoots about many things in life now. And it is just such nonchalant disregard for everything that will lead me to my very doom."This parachute is a knapsack!" - Chandler Bing
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:::::::::: My path to Redemption ::::::::
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